Decisions

I am chronically and tragically bad at making decisions. I cannot think of a single reason why I am so bad. It is what it is. I spend hours and hours weighing up all the alternatives, drawing up endless lists of pros and cons, trying to be fair to each side. I seek the advice of numerous friends, and sometimes even strangers. I listen carefully to everything that is said, in the hope that the one single true and correct course of action is in there somewhere and will speak to me loud and clear. It doesn't help that I am easily swayed and all it takes is a really convincing argument from one side to persuade me that option is the only choice. Of course, an equally convincing argument from the other side will persuade me that the opposite is also true.

So, what happens when the decision is so incredibly important that it is of life-altering proportions?  The decision-making process becomes even more fraught.  What if the decision affects others? The weight of its implications resting upon my shoulders is nothing short of agony. Particularly if one option is sticking with the (painful) familiar and the other involves a leap into the (unknown) unknown, then the fear can be crippling.

'Be true to yourself', some have said. 'Listen to your heart, your gut instinct'.  'Your own true voice will come when you listen in the small still place inside you'.  I am fond of proclaiming that I don't care what others think.  In fact I care deeply what others will think of me, afraid that the world will fall apart if I don't make the choice that will please everybody else.  When I do listen to what I think is my own true voice, I know, unfortunately, that it is not the choice that will please everybody else. And this is my difficulty. I want to make everyone happy and that is not going to be possible.