Odi et amo

'Odi et amo. Quare ed faciam, fortasse requiris. Nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior.'

Catullus

Spring

'You can cut all the flowers but you cannot keep spring from coming.'

Pablo Nerudo

The Dream

This is the dream, that takes place in the shallow half waking place after drifting off, tearfully, at 5am.  For just a few seconds, I am swimming in a vast blue ocean.  Only my body is propelling me, arms tight beside my sides, head first, chin up, determined and really, really fast. I have never swam so fast before in my life. I am a hugely accomplished swimmer, like a fish and I discover I can breathe underwater. 

Because I am moving so fast, the noise of the water rushing past my ears is almost deafening. The sea is crystal clear and I can make out the brightness of the sun above the water. I am drawn towards the light and my head and whole body burst out of the water and up into a clear blue sky and yellow sun. There is complete silence and, for barely a second, all is perfectly still and there is a moment of total clarity.

The Journey

The Journey

by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice - 

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

"Mend my life!"

each voice cried.

But you didn't stop.

You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations,

though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

But little by little,

as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do - 

determined to save

the only life you could save.